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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Is It the Equipment Or Pill Popping?

The following is a special opinion piece sent in from Tom "Tub Rock" Gorman in downtown Chicago. The "Master of the Bomb-Diggity" raises questions about performance enhancers in professional golf. His opinions are not necessarily shared by the management of Networked Golfer.

Ever since I began playing golf on a regular basis, especially with my brothers and brother-in-law, "Power Golf" has been a huge part of my golf experience. I can put the ball out there 300 yards when I'm swinging well, but that's about a three-wood on the PGA Tour this year.

I had been talking to a buddy of mine during the British Open about the fact that with all of the doping going on in track, baseball, swimming, biking, etc, how can it not be a possibility in golf? After watching this weekend's tournament (Medinah), I feel this could absolutely be a reality.

Tiger has always been able to hit his drives a mile, but 225 yard 5 irons? Maybe that shot is in the bag of a fitness freak like Woods, but what about the overweight, the scrawny, and the older players on the tour. As Dan Patrick and Rick Reilly so eloquently put it on ESPN Radio today, not all enhancing drugs are anabolic steroids that make you too large to swing a golf club; the new types of drugs are typically for rehab from injuries, for a quick turnaround from a grueling 72 holes in four days then only to turn around and fly coast to coast, shrugging off jet lag to compete the following weekend.

These questions came up today when PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem stated they would not test unless "there was reason to believe that there was a problem." The first step in finding out if drugs are present in a sport is to test, and I feel that the game is getting too long and too powerful. What happened to the 7,000 yard course with postage stamp greens on par 3s? Dogleg par 4s surrounded by traps, and 550 yard par 5s that can be eagled but have tough pin placements?

I truly think that everyone should stop blaming the equipment and the golf balls and dig deeper into those golf bags and look for some pills. Golf -- learn from baseball and "step up to the plate" and take on the problem before it takes your sport down.


Blogger JTALIFER said...

I am with Tommy on this one! They are all doped up. Have you seen Camillo's arms on t.v.? His veins are screaming heroin addict!! I was at the range yesterday in beautiful Eden Prairie, MN (where you all should be living), and I was hitting my 7 iron 160-165 yards. I am 5'5", 170 pounds. That is normal. These guys are hitting 60 degree wedges that far.
Will anyone admit to have seen Caddyshack 2? If you have, you would have seen not only a horrible piece or art but you would have seen a putt putt course where Bushwood once stood. That is what the PGA Tour is becoming. A freak show! I cant wait to see the giant windmill on Amen Corner in 2010.

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Katie said...

Wow Tubby. That was actually pretty well written. I never thought about that before, but you made some good points.
It makes me wonder if the reason Harley was always wearing parkas was to hide his anabolically enhanced forearms.
And by the way Talifer, Purdue over ND this year? Come on. I will however, congratulate Purdue on having the World's Biggest Drum. That is impressive. If you can't have Charlie Weis and Brady Quinn, I guess the next best thing is an enormous percussion instrument to annoy the opposing team's fans.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous jtalifer said...

Oh Katie! I love that sarcasm. We do have a big drum but we have a stellar defense as well. We dont play Michigan or Ohio St. this year so if we get by you guys we are going to be smellin roses!
Chris Harley was definately hopped up on something all those years. His guns were huge.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous AC Slater said...


I think the reason why you hit the ball so far is because of the Saddam Hussein balls that you use. You get so mad, you get uber strength. I do the same thing when I use my Yankee golf balls . . . and the ones that have Ned Flanders on them. Lousy bushy mustached neighbor!!

Power Golf Assistant to the Traveling Secretary

5:27 PM  
Anonymous jimg said...

i was just looking over the list of top u.s. players on and came to the following conclusion - i'd be surprised if steroids were abused by any more than one or two of these guys. borderline players, yes, but not the elite of the elite. here is a small sample and an explanation as to why i disagree with the roids argument:

tiger - its genetic
mickelson - fat dump
furyk - looks like harley (less the parka)
tim herron - fat dump
chad campbell - fat dump
vaughan taylor - somewhat nourse-like (6'0" 150lbs to be exact)
jason gore - looks like tubby

i think the focus of the argument should be upon the LPGA more than the PGA. i mean seriously. sorenstam gets bigger by the week and these asian women coming up are absolute BEASTS. thats my two cents. oh, and when are we going to arizona?

5:33 PM  

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